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| I feel SO EFFING GROSS. I had like, a fourth of a chocolate cream pie, and half a plate of chow mein. I'm so bloated.  But if I purge here, someone's bound to notice. Ugh, my belly feels like shit! When I get home, I'm taking Rowan's advice and playing DDR until I burn 1,000 calories. I desperately want to purge, but I can't risk it.
Exercise, exercise. (it'sbetterforyou!) -____- | | |
| I'M SO GODDAMN HUNGRY. On the plus side, I haven't eaten in like, 36 hours.
(exceptforthose2cookies; that I purged, and like 5 Zours that Rowan gave me) He's bugging me about this.
I think the only funny thing he said about it was, "Psht, you and your puking."
I don't understand how I deserve someone so wonderful. He's...amazing.  (yes, that's the face I meant to use) But anyway, I seriously don't know how I got that much willpower. I'm eating a normal meal (meaning like, a cup of chicken fettucini, if there's any left) when I get home - my body needs it. | | |
| The day before yesterday, I was fine
As fine as can be, under the circumstances
Today I'm thrust spiralling downward into a thought process
That will surely end in death, eventualy
But, I don't care.
My sick mind says, "I don't wanna be fat anymore."
It says, "Anything but being fat, even dead."
The thing is, I still know it's sick. When will I start thinking it's normal? EGGS. I've been confronted with eggs. "Mitch* made them," she says.
Now I don't feel so guilty throwing them out. ---------- Let's hope that eggs disinegrate. I flushed them and I don't want them coming back up. That could pose a problem. Note to self: flush dish soap. He** made me eat a bun. I came into the bathroom and flushed it. Do I tell him the truth?..No.
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I told him the truth. How could I not? He's my best friend...
And that face he gave me&the way he came after me when I looked&stepped away... * my mom's boyfriend ** Rowan, my best friend | | |
| Hello Fatty McFatcakes, Would you like to explain why you haven't entered any data for a week?
No...
But to make up for it,
I didn't eat today.
Actually, that was kind of an accident. I slept for 14 hours for some strange reason. Oh well, I don't care. Now I get to distract myself with the book I'm reading, "Purge"  and not eating until I go to sleep again. ---------------------------------------- Shit, I knew something was going to go wrong.
I got up and found two Mrs. Fields cookies AND a box of Zours in my bathroom. Shit. Thank you mom, buttt...
Eat the cookies, get them out, give the Zours to Rowan. That's my plan. P.S. I'm not sure if it was blood, or the red Acetaminophen that I took, but either way, it was time to stop purging. | | |
| Why did I tell my best friend about my eating disorder? A: Because I trust him, I love him, and he's the one person that cares for me no matter what. He's watching me closely. Sort of.
Made sure I ate yesterday when I was at his house, and obviously that I didn't throw it up. Crap. (And I ate a lot of it! A piece of pumpkin pie, a piece of pizza, a few fries... Grah.) Today: Piece of an orange, and a chocolate muffin.
And my mom made dinner, so when I get home, I have to eat something. Plus I'm hungry, and it's the unpleasant kind of hungry because I've been laughing. I should walk home, but it's dark out. For once, I actually hate Standard time (I hate having to change the clocks - it screws me up!) Anyway, his advice was "PLAY LOTS OF DDR! And eat well, and drink a CRAPLOAD of water." Easier said than done, bro. Lots of love.  | | |
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